I think I'm back

It has been over a year since my last post and so much has happened.  I went into this process with hope I would write every week, and in writing explore my feelings, issues, concerns.  I would learn how I was truly handling everything and be able to express myself in a safe environment without fear of criticism.  That is exactly what happened, it felt so wonderful sharing our story, helping others see through this medium what I wasn't ready to share face to face.

Then life happened.

It sounds trite, the simple excuse that everyone gives when something they wanted to do goes by the wayside.  "I'm to tired", or "to busy" or "need to do . . ."  the list never ends.  I would read other blogs and remember how much I enjoyed writing.  I would talk with friends and say, I really should get back to writing but never did.

What changed you ask?  Someday came, Robby got a kidney.  (THANK YOU ERIKA CHAMBERS)



We have spent the last two years waiting and wondering and then boom everything started happening at once.  As a caregiver, mother, wife my focus had been on everything around me and even though I had convinced myself that I had enough of an outlet to keep me as me, I learned very quickly that was a lie.  My life has been a string of Dr. appointments, work, children, everything with the overshadow of how would it fit in with the medical stuff, dialysis etc. I was just waiting until Robby was better so I could start life again.  I kept saying we had to "find our new normal" but dialysis put such a monkey wrench in everything that I was unable to let myself settle into that "new normal."

Well now is the time. I am back to writing (I think) I am back to finding me again.  I am starting to pursue my dreams that don't include getting Robby a kidney (though to be perfectly honest it was one of the biggest dreams I had.)  I have started running and training for a 5K  I am getting ready for my kidney tattoo (I have worked just as hard as he has so I deserve a kidney as well right?)  I am sorting our finances and getting ready to live life to its fullest, not just talk about living life.  I still want to tell the story of the last two plus years, but it will be a little more disjointed and not chronological.  I will write about what our someday is looking like, and the fact that we are now on to the new "when is someday."  What all of this means to me, our kids, and life and hopefully through writing I can explore my feelings, issues and concerns and learn how I am handling everything.  Those of you along for the ride I apologize in advance :)